Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Skinny Jeans: Who wears this shit?

Yesterday while Hazel was at preschool, I loaded Violet into the stroller, bribed her with a lollipop, and frittered the precious preschool hours away at Old Navy.

I was searching for a pair of "good" jeans. Meaning that I'm the kind of girl for whom "dressing up" means wearing dark rinse jeans and ballet flats... maybe a scarf if I'm feeling super fancy. And you know what? I found them. Size 10 regulars, dark rinse, bootcut, with a little of the stretchy stuff. And they were on sale for $20!

Why I didn't just stop there, I don't know.

Feeling thin (size 10!) and happy ($20!), I decided to check out the rest of the sale denim, and this is how I came to try on this season's "must have" item: the skinny jean.

First of all, don't be fooled by the name. The skinny jean does not, in fact, make you look skinny. Oh no. The skinny jean makes a mockery of the thighs -- thighs that you admired, just minutes before, in the dark rinse bootcut jean -- rendering them squat and sausage-like. Gone is the mood-enhancing hip-to-foot balancing effect of the ankle skimming bootcut, having been replaced by scrunched up denim legwarmers cowering below my knees. The long, lean and pleasing silouhette of the bootcut becomes a distant memory, as I stand cursing my dressing room reflection, and all it's stumpy, bulgy imperfections.

Oh, and "ultra" low rise? Please. Don't even get me started on that. Why do we need that? Who does "ultra" low rise look good on? Fourteen year old mall skanks and Gwyneth Paltrow, that's who. F that.

I'm sticking with the bootcut, thank you very much. And I'm not shopping for jeans again until the skinny jean trend goes back to the 80's, where it belongs.

4 Comments:

Blogger Green said...

I wore Farlows in 7th and 8th grade, which were skinny, stretch jeans. They looked good on me. I was cute.

I truly don't believe in wearing ANYTHING simply because it's in style. If it is something I like AND it happens to be in style, more power to me. But I will not be a slave to fashion and run out and buy dress shorts (WTF?!) or skinny jeans simply because they're in style. I'm sticking with my boot cut Levi's that look decent on me.

10:55 AM  
Blogger shel said...

that was a post deserving of a standing ovation! however, if i was wearing skinny jeans, i think i'd be permanently standing cuz the blasted things are so tight!

anyhoo, BRAAAAAAVO!

9:59 PM  
Anonymous Jill said...

Okay now I have to get my size ten self to Old Navy to find $20 jeans that are slightly stretchy because those are jeans that I can eat in, lol.

9:01 PM  
Anonymous patti said...

I doubt Gwyneth can even pull off skinny jeans anymore.

11:26 AM  

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