Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Annoying Holiday Card.

It is next to impossible to get a halfway decent picture of the two girls together. Harder than getting them to share, even.

Our digital camera is loaded with candid solo shots, Hazel-hamming-it-up shots, Violet gazing adoringly at the Christmas tree shots (right before she lunges maniacally for an ornament, any ornament within reach, please Mama, just this once I wanna touch it, PLEASE!) -- but every time I try to get the two of them in the same frame for one second, they turn into a couple of gorrillas.

I'm not asking them to sit on Santa's lap and pose -- Hazel's horrified expression at the mere suggestion of such an offense told me not to press the issue. I'm not tricking them out in velvet and tulle, and asking them to sit on a rocking chair before a fake fire backdrop, because I hate those posed, "precious" shots. Hell, I'm not even asking them to comb their hair or wash their faces - why start now? All I'm asking for is one photo in which they do not look like drunken frat boys; mouths wide open, at least one of them with their eyes half shut, little bodies swaying, blurry, shirtless.

But the minute they see me angling for a shot of them in the bathtub, or trying to preserve on film the blessed quiet moments that they spend on the couch together watching "Go, Diego, Go!", it's all over. Violet jumps up and insists on looking through the viewfinder, yelling "Me! Mine! My pic-tuh! ME!" Hazel immediately channels JonBenet Ramsay, spreading her arms out wide and cocking her head, a fake "aw shucks, aren't I the cutest?!" smile plastered on her face.

I love the natural shots, the casual moments captured by sheer chance, but damn, those don't come easy. If they're not blurry, they're too dark, and if they're not too dark, someone gets nudged out of the frame, or they've got something suspicious coming out of their nose. Nothing says "happy holidays" like a snapshot of Violet licking the snot off her cheek, right?

Worst case scenario: I'll get 'em while they're sleeping. Best case? I'll get my shit together in November next year, and hire someone who knows what they're doing.


Blogger Jonathon said...

I dunno, that photo from the post below looks like a good Christmas card to me!!!

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One word Lollipops, every picture for the last three years has my boys holding a lolli or Candy Cane..Bribery is your friend. Good Luck!

6:52 AM  
Blogger Ms. Crazy said...

Hey, send some of that frat boy/booger action my way. I'll put it to good use. My mother-in-law has purchased my children the most absurd Christmas Outfits you have ever seen so we can drag them to Picture People for vomitously canned holiday photos.

But I do sympathize. My son has adopted a Zero Tolerance policy for the camera. I can't wait until he's 20 and railing about how there are a zillion pictures of his sister but none of him...

8:08 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home