Friday, September 29, 2006

I'm in a funk.

The last couple of weeks have been none too special around these parts. I'm in a definite funk, which took root sometime in June I think, and has been sprouting in my brain ever since.

I've noticed in the last year that seasonal shifts are really hard for me. So, that's part of it. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern during these times, when we're not quite out of the summer yet, and not quite into the fall. I anxiously anticipate fall every year, it's my favorite season. But this year, I feel like if it doesn't come soon -- if we have just one more fucking heatwave -- I'll just... I don't know. I feel like I just won't make it.

I'm slightly less emotional than I was the week after we lost Hosie, but I think I'm still a little depressed. I'm always tired, even first thing in the morning. Even after my fourth cup of coffee. Maybe I need to take Patti's advice, and stock up on Floradix. It can't hurt.

Sometimes, after studying my face for a couple of seconds, Hazel will say "Is that your sad face? Are you going to cry?" Then she'll come in for a hug and say "I know you miss Hosie, Mama. It's O.K. Maybe we can get a cat!"

I joined our local YMCA this week, so I could have a place to dump the girls and mindlessly swim, or run on the treadmill, and finally work off the last 20 post-Violet pounds. (Is it really still considered "post-partum weight" almost 17 months later?) But since Violet has a cold and is caked in snot, we haven't been back to take advantage of it.


I keep reminding myself that in just a couple of short weeks, I'll be taking a 3 day trip to Oregon -- alone. My first time away from both girls, ever. If Violet uses the opportunity to wean herself, cool. If not, cool. Either way. If I can just make it to October 13th, I'll be home free. I'll have three days to recharge my batteries, celebrate a dear friend's wedding, and enjoy the beautiful drive to Ashland.

My new mantra: "October 13th, October 13th, October 13th..."

Oh, shit.

October 13th is a Friday.


Blogger Ms. Crazy said...

I'm sorry you've been in a funk. I truly know how that feels. Give yourself time and figure out what makes you feel good (if anything).

E-mail me any time if you want to spew bitterness and bile. It helps.

And you do NOT need to lose 10 pounds. You are fucking gorgeous.

9:14 AM  
Blogger Debbi said...

LOL. I gather you survived Friday the 13th unscathed. Hope you had the best time ever. And Ms. Crazy is correct. You are "f*&$%ing gorgeous" and don't need to lose any weight. Sheesh. I have post partum weight from 24 years ago, so there!!!

Love you all!!! Dee-dee

7:30 AM  

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